“The death of a child shatters the myth of how life is supposed to unfold.” ~ Abigail Brenner

There comes a time in every nurse’s life when they lose a patient. While it may be “part of the job,” it never really gets easier. Every loss is heartbreaking, but when the patient is a child, it hits a little harder.

At St. Joseph’s Children’s Hospital, our nurses and other team members develop powerful bonds with their young patients and the families who love them. Some relationships span years, others may only last a few days, but all are special.

We take great pride in the hope and healing we provide to some of our most vulnerable patients each and every day. Unfortunately, even the very best medicine can’t always offer the miracles we work so hard to achieve.

When a child dies during their shift, our nurses and other pediatric team members are there for the families – crying with them, offering a hug or hand to hold, smiling through tears as they share beautiful stories, and listening as they try to process unimaginable grief.

But who is there for the nurses, doctors, social workers, Child Life team members, respiratory therapists, techs – all the team members who have been so ingrained with the care of both the child and their family? They have suffered a loss, too. And they still need to go on with their day, putting their best foot forward for the rest of the patients in their care.

Team member Stacey Whitby, one of St. Joe’s amazing Pediatric Intensive Care Unit nurses, wondered what more could be done to help her colleagues through such a difficult time.

“As much as St. Joseph’s is patient-focused, they are also incredibly team member-focused. I knew they’d be open to hearing my ideas,” shares Stacey.

As a nurse for over thirty-four years and a death doula, Stacey understands the importance of self-care, especially when dealing with loss.

“Nurses do a wonderful job giving of themselves to care for others, but they usually get so wrapped up in making sure their patients and their families are okay, it’s easy to forget about making sure they’re okay themselves. It takes a special kind of person to be a nurse. Every day is hard in dozens of different ways. But the ones that include the death of a patient can be unbearable.”

Stacey set out to make a difference in the lives of her coworkers. She applied for and received a Humanity Grant, a program offered through the St. Joseph’s Hospitals Foundation to invest in projects and ideas generated by team members that will bring care and comfort to patients and their families.

Stacey’s idea? To create Bereavement Self-Care Packages for team members who have experienced the loss of a patient.

“We often use words to express comfort, sympathy, and appreciation, but I realized a tangible expression of those things could go even further,” explains Stacey.

Now, when her pediatric team members are dealing with a loss, Stacey presents them with a carefully curated package of items to bring comfort and show appreciation for their hard work during a difficult time. These special bags can include bath salts, worry stones, essential oils, coffees and teas, energy drinks, snacks, mugs, motivational stickers, soothing lotions, and other self-care items, and a special note acknowledging their efforts and grief.

The difference the program has made for our team members is evident in their heartfelt words of thanks.

“It’s a reminder that it’s okay to grieve our patients and that we are allowed to feel human…” “It was so touching to see that my grief mattered too…” “Receiving this gift in the morning helped me have a really good start today…” “I have been a nurse for over 20 years, and this was really the first time I felt cared for…”

According to Stacey, the Bereavement Self-Care Packages help team members return to the bedside with a little extra wind in their sails to help them keep going.

“Being seen in this way can be an extraordinary pick-me-up,” explains Stacey. “But it doesn’t just help our team members. We know the more they feel taken care of and supported, the greater the impact on the care they provide.”

This bereavement support for team members that Stacey launched—and additional bereavement support for patients and families—is generously funded by Scott & Kirsten Price. As team members support families and each other during some of the most difficult days, the Price Family wanted to make sure the other measures of support were taken care of.

Giving team members the same level of compassion and care they provide to their patients and their families benefits everyone.

“It’s been a lovely example of one of St. Joe’s guiding principles in action.”

It’s all part of St. Joe’s commitment to continually invest in the well-being of our team members and, ultimately, everyone who comes to St. Joe’s for hope and healing.

As for Stacey, she appreciates working for an organization that values its employees’ input and allows her to lift her co-workers up during some of their saddest days.

“It really meant a lot to me to help my co-workers this way because I know how much of their heart they pour into their work. I wish everyone who has ever supported the Foundation could witness first-hand what their generosity made possible through this program. It’s been really special for me to see.”